Thinking About Texting Your Ex? STOP...

I get it, you’re doing ‘No Contact’ (NC) and it’s going pretty well. Admittedly, some days are better than others and you can feel the progress you’re making. Then out of the blue, BAM! Now all you can think about is texting your ex. You consider it for a moment and decide it would be a bad idea. But the thought just won’t go away. You question your sudden need to reach out, fearing that you haven’t made as much progress as you thought you had. You feel disappointed and the thought of checking in with them starts to seem like a good idea. It’s a nice gesture right? Then before you know it you’re aware of how much you miss them, how much you love them, how you need to hear their voice, how a tiny stalk on their Insta won’t hurt, right? Hmmm…what do you think?

What you are experiencing is a craving. A very real and often very uncomfortable feeling that can appear without warning and leave you open to making poor decisions, feeling like you’re backsliding and vulnerable to fantasy thinking. Never make a decision or take action based on a craving. You need to avoid reacting to what the craving wants you to do in order to reduce their intensity. Texting or calling your ex may provide you with an instant release from the almost unbearable discomfort but you and I both know it’ll be short lived.

I am a massive advocate for going NC after a relationship has ended and I also know it can be a massive ask. Whether you are on day 1 or day 21, NC most certainly has its challenging moments and will often present you with multiple opportunities to undo all your hard work so far. I can’t stand by and let you do that so in order to support through this process, I have created The SuperHuman STOP Technique. A simple and effective strategy to prevent the feeling of backsliding in your Breakover. This technique will support you by resolving conflict you have with yourself around whether or not to reach out to an ex, putting you and your needs first and promote empowered choices. It is also a fabulous craving management exercise. In this blog, I will lay out the exact questions I use with my clients when they hit a ‘no contact crisis’ and watch them completely change their experience.

There has never been a better time to step into your SuperHuman mode and STOP! You can even shout it at yourself if you think it will help. The next time you find yourself wanting to contact your ex via any means possible and, in response to some crap excuse you’re telling yourself about why contacting them is such a brilliant idea, STOP for a moment and do this instead…

SITUATION:

Think about the situation you find yourself in and answer the following questions:-

What is the situation and why is being in this situation a problem for me?

Why am I in this situation?

What lessons do I need to learn that would move me on from this situation for good?

What choices can I make right now that will make my situation worse?

What choices can I make right now that will improve my situation?

Take responsibility for the thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions that have led you to your current situation and also for what you do next. When you stop placing blame on external factors, you regain the power over your life.

THOUGHTS

Notice the kind of thoughts you are having and the conflict it is raising then answer the following questions:-

Am I having fantasy thoughts?

What is the purpose of wanting to contact my ex?

What is it specifically that I want to say to them?

What response am I hoping to get?

Do I really believe contacting my ex will make me feel better?

Take back power over your thoughts and really consider your answers. Reframe your thoughts to those that scream empowerment and use this to catapult you forward in your journey instead of holding yourself back. Write the text you want to send to your ex on a piece of paper and put it somewhere out of sight. Look at the paper again tomorrow and I’m certain you’ll be glad you didn’t send it!

OPPORTUNITY

Become aware of the opportunities you have to annihilate your obstacles then answer the following questions:-

What are the opportunities I have in front of me right now?

Which opportunities could I lose by making contact with my ex?

Which one of my obstacles am I going to change to an opportunity?

What is one of a million things I could do instead of texting my ex?

What can I do differently this time by putting the lessons I have learnt into practice?

When you give yourself space outside of the situation you are able to see the opportunities everywhere. You understand the lessons quicker and easier than before and you start using them to your advantage.

PROGRESS:

Look back on what you’ve been through during this breakup and all the progress you have made so far then answer the following questions:-

Am I willing to jeopardise my Breakover for the sake of a text/call/stalk?

Do I really want to go back to day 0 NC and start again?

What are my most significant achievements during this Breakover so far?

How will communicating with my ex enhance my progress?

What is the one thing I can do today that will support me in continuing to move forward?

Reflect back and notice how far you have come. Celebrate your strength and progress. Be proud of what you have achieved and the success you will continue to have…you are a SuperHuman after all!

So, how did that feel? Craving gone? How do feel now about contacting your ex?

Remember: Use your support network, your breakup buddy and your intuition. They all want what is best for you so there is absolutely no reason you need to go through this alone.

Your new life is waiting for you so all you need to do is decide when you’re going to show up…