Is it the New Year’s fault that the Old Year pissed you off?

There are 2 days left until the New Year and a brand new decade! 2020 is fast approaching and it would seem its arrival has created a divide that could rival Marmite. You have the Lovers, the Haters and the Shruggers. To be honest with you, I have been all 3 in my lifetime.

The New Year, new decade discussions have been happening in my world since before Christmas. I have been asking people I know about their New Year plans and I have been earwigging on other people’s conversations about the subject. Everyone seems to have an opinion about New Year and its significance or insignificance to them. It may be an age thing but I have heard very little love and support for New Years Eve (NYE) celebrations with most people either wanting to punch New Year in the face or they really couldn’t care either way. A fact more blinding than the Baby Jesus star is that depending on which side they are, their opinion of New Year is always a direct projection of how they perceive the year has gone, where they are in their life right now and how they feel about themselves. I recognise this pattern because I used to do exactly the same thing…

I loved New Year’s Eve when I was in my teens until my mid 20s. New Year was exciting and it was often a big night with high expectations. I would get all dressed up and go out with my friends, get wrecked and dance my way in to January, usually snogging the face off a random stranger, with not a care in the world. In late 2006 I felt my world had been shattered and I started hating badly on New Year. I swore off any celebrating on NYE for the rest of my life and instead opted for forced, painful reflection of the year gone by and my entire life. New Year was my enemy and I shunned it like shamed family. I would hear the words “New Year, New You”, gag and roll my eyes out loud. I would critically reflect on all the things that went wrong and how I was never where I wanted to be in my life while blaming everyone and everything else for that fact. If I had a good year, the delve in to misery wasn’t quite so deep but I managed to stay bitter enough to still hate what New Year meant to me and the memories it tortured me with. I stayed committed to behaving like that for far too long not realising my hatred was a projection of how I was feeling inside. All the negativity, pain and defences were literally spewing out of me and flying in all directions. My perceptions were more than twisted and that is what I shared with the world. The reality was I had nobody to blame but myself for shit I felt.

I have people in my circle of trust that have no tolerance for New Year at all and in fairness, I used to be one of them. I saw a friend this morning who had the very strong opinion that New Year “can go fuck itself”. I know proper harsh right. Is it the New Year’s fault that the Old Year pissed you off? Surely if you’ve had a difficult year you would at least be a little happy it’s done knowing that opportunity follows, right? Instead of verbally bashing the shit out of it and blaming it for every little thing that went wrong in the past 12 months. I know I used to sound like her so I also know that kind of mindset can poison any good you have going on in your life. After talking with her, it again became clear that her hatred for this time of year is ingrained and a direct projection of how she is feeling in her current situation and about herself. It has absolutely nothing to do with the day, the date, the year or the decade. It is all about her, just like it was all about me.

Stating the obvious here but the New Year is not to blame and neither is the Old Year. It is true that people become far more reflective than normal this time of year. There seems to be such focus on wallowing in failures of all the things that went wrong. People often overlook all the amazing things that happened because they insist on drowning in the negative instead of seeing the opportunities and their achievements. It can be difficult to admit that the way our year turns out largely depends on the decisions we make and how we respond to all the things that happen, good or bad. Yes, terrible things may have affected you. You may not have achieved what you wanted or maybe you feel you achieved nothing at all. Yes, you may have been hurt and treated badly by others. You think you are stuck and no ‘New Year’ is ever going to change that. I know this because I was that person. I believe when we tunnel vision on the crap, we get more crap. We don’t learn from our mistakes, we tolerate shitty behaviour and we put ourselves at the bottom of any priority lists in existence. The amazing thing is you can make the choice to change this pattern of thinking forever. Make your mind work for you and not against you. Choose something different to what you have tried before and start to appreciate the magic in the smallest of moments.

Eventually and thankfully, I got over myself and stopped making NYE my enemy. Being that way never did me any good. It took me many years to stop feeling hatred towards the past, the people who had hurt me and effectively towards myself. When I decided I was done with being miserable and negative about most things, I changed my outlook, my mind and my life. I changed my thought process and obliterated my negative attachment to New Year. I proudly became a Shrugger. I stopped giving a date in time power and significance over my thoughts and emotions. I took that shit back, I put no weight or expectation on it and moved myself perfectly in to a place of blissful indifference. I got happy with my life exactly the way it was, I set goals and made plans all year not just New Year. I appreciated what I had, what I had achieved and what I had to look forward to. I learnt that I could make a greater contribution to my life just by enjoying it more and living more in the present.

Although I do not necessarily celebrate NYE in the usual social term of parties and piss ups, I do have my own very special celebration…with myself. Sometimes I go out, sometimes I have friends over, sometimes I like to stay home alone (well, with Gizmo). Tomorrow night I will be doing exactly what I want to do and I will love every minute of it. I will pamper myself, watch Netflix with my dog, enjoy a bottle of wine and I will be feeling really bloody happy! There will be no forced reflection, there are no resolutions to be made and I take forward no grudges, regrets or dickheads. I can look back on 2019 and honestly say that, in spite of the upsets and the challenges, I had a really fabulous year. I get to celebrate that every day, not just on 31st December.

If you live in the belief that one shit year leads to another and this is just how it is, please listen to this advice. Lift your head up and open your eyes so you can see all the amazing things around you. Identify where that drive is coming from so that you can change it to something more inspiring. Shift your perceptions and project a more positive version of yourself in to the world. Make this New Year ‘You Year’ and give yourself the very best life has to offer. Make yourself a priority and live your life for you. Opportunity is available to you every day and New Year can be a really significant time to congratulate yourself on your achievements and to start planning how much more awesome you will be in the coming year. Reflect on all the new things you experienced, new places you went and new people you met. Leave what is lost behind you and avoid taking excess baggage on to your flight in to the New Year. Be grateful for all the lessons you learnt, even the hard ones. Be liberated by your decision to make positive changes and feel empowered enough to see them through. The choices are available and all yours for the making. Let this be the year you move out of your comfort zone, stop being ruled by fear and take a risk or two. Try something totally different and keep your eyes and mind open to new possibilities. Your mindset is one of your most valuable SuperPowers…it doesn’t matter which way you use it; the results will always have a hugely significant impact on your life.

I hope you have the most wonderful ‘You Year’ ever. I am excited for what it may bring and I will look forward to hearing about all the incredible things you brought yourself in 2020!

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